Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
