Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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