the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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