I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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