Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
