can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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