Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Someone shit on the floor
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
