my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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