I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
