he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
