I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
