The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
