ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
