I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
