I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
