youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
