And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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