It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
