if you like me you must not know who I am
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shame - the story of my life.
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