I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
