So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
