Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
