He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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