My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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