this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
