someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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