I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
