She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Come on in and take your pants off
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
