just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
