I didn't shave. On purpose
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
