I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
