you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
