Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love having hate sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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