goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize