She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
