So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
