i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
