My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize