make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hippo gnu deer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
