On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
