i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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