So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
