can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
