she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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