He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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