god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
