watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
