everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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