yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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