he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
