community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize