brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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