"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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