we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
