my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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