to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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