I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
