you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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