True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
