There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am puke
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
