Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
