What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
