just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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