You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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