just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
