On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
