Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
