there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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