so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
