Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
