Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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