I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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