Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
