Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
