She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
