can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
