Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
