Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
