I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
