It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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