she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
