I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
