guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
