so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He did a backflip because drugs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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