Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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