My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
