OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
