I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
