kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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