Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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