i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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