I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
