just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There r osticjed everywhere
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
