she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
