id be glad to
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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